Eternal Sunshine of an Ignorant Mind

"he called out my name o there must be something wrong with me why is he not calling it out louder why am i so ugly why is he not talking to me the way boys who fuck girls talk to them is it that he likes me in a way that cannot be expressed is he trying to supress his desires but no he said so and i do not know what is worse is it that what is worse must be experienced but i cannot seem to bring myself to it seems futile is not just a bad bad word but i remeber in college so many of them wanted to fuck and fuck and suck my tits so beautiful and so marvelous and such a good time my professors all giving marks and he not responding could only mean he is busy o you are so gorgeous baby and athletes and artists so very offending but why you are miss so and so winner of so and so not really won but who cares if he doesn't am i supposed to be here yes sweetheart and not returning my calls what seems to be the issue sir not breaking my heart but melting it then letting it spill few marks lesser than what is required and at home servants and drivers don't wear your skirt so high what can i do to get those additonal marks and why can't he love me then like all of the people around me his hands clasped together people will see don't act like that you are a slut as he once said but isn't this wrong like pelicans that you do not see but always want to or the depth of something dark and cold and looks like you finally caught me but aren't you ashamed she wasn't very interested and see see see what happened i don't want this but what harm could it do to him if he calls me and your legs are so smooth i am an old man but still a man and creepily smiling at my teen legs and wanting to fuck me is that so bad my dear immoral what is that isn't it immoral to love me but say somthing say anything i am so embaressed that you find me in this advanced state of weakness but can't you understand that this is wrong i do not think he means any disrespect but what if someone finds out but what if someone finds out but what if someone finds out and she getting all restless and fucking me isn't the only thing must confront him what a great man turned into ashes in fornt of me and fucked me one night when everyone was asleep always got din't i din't i yes yes got good grades after that but it hurts me he wouldn't call and so tiny but so perfect and black and big and dirty and smelly but so so very very satisfying still he should have called and i ran back to him in a rather desperate attempt to sign the sheets he had promised he would and i do not know how long it is going to take before i lose that btich never got me iota and i kept getting flunked after that self respect not too strong a word and she caught me in the act and everyone was removed asked him confronted why treat a woman you claim to love like that and he was gone and i had to do it with someone else and not easy surroundings and help me lord our saviour for i have trespassed but what in the lord's name i do not quite understand it quite the way you like it right and wrong decisions all the way around that came before you said you loved me, but you you no no wait you you said but you said don't you don't you don't you any more?"