Eternal Sunshine of an Ignorant Mind
Monday, December 29, 2008
Religion Part 2
"If religion had been free of the unnecessary chutzpah, if the only reason why people turned to religion was to attain a stable state, peace and support when required, then much of the world's problems would not have existed. So the basic problem is that religion was not allowed to flourish, like art or music. Instead, religion was housebred by a group of people who had vested interests in seeing religious mindset develop in a certain way, rather than be open to public interpretation."
Or rather, as Pinter would put in a much more reader-friendly way, the wound was bandaged, not peopled.
The only reply to the above 'logic' explained by the friend in question would be this: "You say if religion was like this...the world would be better, if religion was like that...the world would be free of all problems we face. Counterfactual conditionals are always true, because the premise is false. Religion is widely followed and has any impact because of the chutzpah. Because of the eccentricities. Since what people want is not peace of mind, but blatant escapism disguised as an impossibility(or is itthe other way round?). To escape death, to escape the fact that we do not know what will happen after we die, to escape the fact that we have abdolutely no universally acceptable idea how we came to be, or what will happen to us. Even something as basic as why we react in a particular way when we would have loved to react in a completely different way. Religion promotes escapism, if you look for mental peace you get mental peace, if you look for eccentric occult based practices you get that, if you look for sodomy you get that too."
I got branded as "typical geek who takes logic too seriously."
P.S. I have written about religion before here.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
India and Pakistan
And now we present, before anyone has ever seen it, the new episode of the unbelievably cool Dr Zaid Hamid's Brass-tracks research findings on the India vs Pakistan world cup 20-20 match in which the whole world was made to believe that India defeated Pakistan. But only Dr Zaid Hamid (let us call him ZH) knows the real story !!!
Here is a transcript of the news programme, Mujhe Ikhtilaf Hai, where a fat newsreader (FN), Dr Hamid (ZH) and hot understated member of the parliament (HUMP) discuss the true story.
FN : Welcome to this show. Today, after a few weeks of conceptually and strategically analyzing the Mumbai attacks, Dr Zaid Hamid has come up with his new breakthrough research analysis. All of you must be remembering that during the world cup 20-20 match, people all across the world were made to believe that India had defeated Pakistan and that we were watching it live. But that is not possible, because God won't let that happen. Some people might say that cricket is a fun sport that has nothing to do with God but that, again is so untrue.
So Zaid sahab, everyone in Pakistan is saying that this 20-20 world cup victory that India had was a fix up exactly like the 1983 world cup tournament where the world was falsely made to believe that India had won the world cup when we all know that was not true. So is this the present India's 1983 ?
ZH : This is not the 1983 of the present Indian team. Dekhiye, 1983 Indian team had beautifully camouflaged the entire tournament's proceedings to falsely make everyone believe that India had won. However, consider the present Indian cricket team...akal to hai nahi. In ahmakon ne complete disaster kar diya is operation 'defeat Pakistan' mein. But it is too late now...ab sabko inka gameplan pata chal gaya hai.
HUMP : I just don't get 'it'. I haven't got 'it' for so long. And I really want 'it'. :(
FN : Zaid sahab, can you analyze this situation ?
ZH : During the 20-20 world cup, look at the pictures of the Pakistani bowler whos got his ass handed to him by Dhoni. Look at him. Iski shakal Indians waali hai. Pakistani cricketers ki shakal aisi nahi hoti. Also, look at him, trying to hold the two cricket balls and trying to figure out which one would bounce more. Everyone knows, Pakistani cricketers do not have balls. Further, the entire world was watching when ex-Pakistani cricketers were dying to be a part of the commentary team that serves Indian matches or that Pakistani players were ready to ditch playing for their country to put the Indian Premier League first or that the Pakistani cricketers were actually seen smiling and shaking hands with Indian cricketers. That is not how Pakistanis like me, and consequently an ideal Pakistani behave. So the whole match, in fact the whole tournament was a farce. The begining of the end of the begining of the end of the...(loop)
HUMP : Exactly, and what abt the fact that unhone humara paani aur pepsi rok rakha hai. Humare khilaadion ko paani nahi milti, pepsi nahi milti. They don't get those in the same way that I don't get 'it'.
ZH : Indian cricketers ne yeh sab akele nahi kiya. Inke saath umpires Simon Tauffel and Billy Bowden yaani ki western zionists and Indian zionists ne milkar yeh pakistan ke khilaaf yeh khel khela. But ab bahut late ho gaya hai. Poore duniya ko unka game-plan samajh mein aa chuka hai !
HUMP : Exactly, even when Yuvraj Singh hit this sixes and then wiped off the sweat off his face and then Dhoni gently brushed his hair behid his cap and Irfaan....
FN : Ya you don't get 'it'. We all get that part...
HUMP : Hmmm :(
FN : What should we do now ?
ZH : We should mobilize our forces along the western border of....
FN : I was talking about cricket.
ZH : Oh that, yeah. Fuck that !
FN : Hmmm...so basically your research organization says that no matter what happens between India and Pakistan and no matter whether it happens on the cricket field, bollywood, music industry, scientific research, college level extra curricular activities et al, no matter what happens, your organization is devoted to see to it that we mobilize our forces and create a situation of war at the slighest possible chance...and anyway some elements in the Indian government also do that, so no one can blame only us.
ZH (smiling) : You got it. The common man in both India and Pakistan acts like a retard. That is the belief that propells us.
HUMP : But what if the common man in both countries realizes that ?
ZH and FN : That day my dear, you, and all of us WILL get 'it'.
- Rahul Dash
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Words are all I have : Part 1
1) Terrorify (verb) : To create a sense of fear and panick on a large scale amongst a mostly innocent and mis-informed population by use of bomb, gun, telephone or politics.
eg. The armed men terrorified the people of Mumbai on 26/11. or
The hoax phone-call regarding a bomb at Sophia college terrorified the students. or
People who terrorify are termed terrorists.
2) To pull a Ram Gopal Verma (descriptive phrase) : To appear suddenly, unexpectedly with regards to both space and time.
eg. By appearing alongside Vilasrao Deshmukh during the former CM's visit to the Taj following the attacks, Ram Gopal Verma pulled a Ram Gopal Verma. or
By appearing at once behind Lieutenant Gordon, Batman almost pulled a Ram Gopal Verma.
3) Manooseuvre (verb) : To control and drive a large number of people based on issues that are so disconnected from reality that their very appearance involves 'pulling a Ram Gopal Verma'
eg. Raj Thackeray's speech did well to manooseuvre the Marathi manoos.
4) Obamaan : The apparent prestige (maan) that a country's leader gets on being high up in the list of people Barack Obama (or any other US president) calls on being elected to the White House.
eg. By not calling Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, the newly elected US President hurt his Obamaan.
5) Facebook (verb...different from the noun Facebook) : To randomly keep on looking at pictures of girls on Facebook, then, based on how pretty their face is, to either move on or to open their profile page in a new tab/window ie to book girls based on their faces.
eg. Oh look Joshua, she is that chick from Xavier's I Facebooked.
To be continued...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Decoding a Terrorist's Psyche
The Core Logic :
1) A terrorist is a person belonging to a religion that is followed by billions of people worldwide.
2) He has been told by a person who has inturn been told by another person who has in turn mis-interpreted the teachings of a third person who in his case, mis-interpreted the writings of a Book in a mis-interpreted sense, putting incidents and quotes out of context; that his religion, his faith and his God are in grave danger. And so are other people following his religion.
3) Information has also been passed onto him by the above described series of people telling him that this "war on his religion" is carried out due to the selfish motives of a few world leaders and their parliaments, senates etc. He has also, sucesfully been made to believe that unless he does something about it, his faith and his people are in grave danger.
4) Thus, the obvious way to teach those handful of politicians a lesson is to kill people who are already suffering under the rule of those politicians. This way, he will be able to teach those politicians a lesson, proving to them that he can make their people suffer in worse ways than they can make their people suffer. And quite obviously, that will stop endangering his people because...well because it will.
5) Carrying out this work will also ensure that he leads a peaceful existence after he dies. He also should let aside all thoughts of a comfortable life and be prepared to commit himself to killing as many people as he can, because based on the above 4 logical statements, well, he has to. He should also, be prepared to sacrifice his life in order to protect the lives of others by killing still others.
6) A terrorist is a jobless motherfucker. Seriously, what did you expect him to do other than blow up innocent people ? I mean...think about it, you people just call yourselves that just for fun, but a terrorist; he actually is a jobless motherfucker. He has no job, no vocational talent, no talent, no girlfriend, no friend, no-one to tell him in an unbiased way whether what he is doing is right or wrong, no sense, no hobbies, no aptitude and I am very sure he has no testicles either. He may belong to Al Qaeda or some Mujahideen or other such retarded gangs, but the point is, they are all motherfuckers and so is he ! Now once you realize that, you will see my logic. In fact, once you realize that, you will see that there is no need for any logic.
Terrorist logic ends.
Now tell me, doesn't that make sense ? At least the last part ?
P.S. Writing "motherfucker" on a blog is not the nicest thing to do. However, after what all of you have seen on TV in the last few days, I believe a simple word like "motherfucker" shouldn't offend or disturb you.
Monday, December 1, 2008
What Idiots Want
And now, the post...
The following may be a piece taken from the webpage of any general boy/girl belonging to the post-adolescense pre-maturity internet loving age group, shortly after the 26/11/2008 incidents took place.
omg !!!! itzz a horrible thing to happen......me hopes all of u ppl r allr8. itz lyk sooo bad....i m kinda sad :(:(:(:(((((........................so d first thing dat i did was ...i created a FACEBOOK page fr all offf us to l8t onlyn diyas for all the hundreds dat died :(:(:(((((((......................................i have been sooooo saddd :( dat i just had to tell all of u guys and gals how sad i am and how i m becuming more and more sad evry moment by changing ma FACEBOOK status.............evry 20 minsss.........so dat ma buddies and me can let each other and evry1 kno just how sad we r !!!! :(:(((((((((((.....
i luvvvv AMIR KHAN.....<3 ......and he is just the best !!!!!!!!!!!!!1.........he has dun the thing most necessary now by asking evry1 to send 1000 roses to the families of the dead ppl......i mean..aint dat lyk really cool ?????!!! i will c his movie GHAJINI becoz he is soooo socially responsible !!!! he is nt a movie star ........he is a social worker cum farmer !!!!!!!!!11 i love him <3 <3 lollzzzzzzz...
all these terrorists shld be lyk.....be killed.....the government suckzzzzzzzzzzzzz :(:( :X(...........evrything is sooooo political !!!!!
we shld thnk barkha dutt and all for showing what happens to earthen vessels and glass windowssssssss when we lyk, blow bombs near them....... was soooo sad :(:(:((((((((...................
btw commandos r lyk sooooooooooo cooool!!!!! all the police guys dat died .......we shld have FACEBOOK pages denoted to them.......evry1 plzzzzz join and post messages........also lets forward emails to evry1 we know to sign a petition onlyn to do sumthing.........and then lets take a printout and send it to TOI..............we just hv 2 do sumthing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if sumthin is nt dun....we cant catch the bloooody terorists !!!! :(((
bollywood stars hv a cobcert at bandra sumtym nxt week..............in remembrance of those who died......................also i thk madhur bhandarkar is makin a film on mumbai......................i lyk, luv priyanka in FASHION........omg she is sooooooo pretty...........
itzzz all pakistan's faultt............we knw !!!!!!! we shld lyk.....declare war and all................or maybe we shld write to ORKUT to ban all pakis from ORKUT........................................evry1 plz download bjp's latest anti-paki slogan and plzzzzzzzzzzz set it as ur ringtone !!!!!! :((((:(((((((((((
cya.........for now.........and all mumbaikars........ ma heart (<3) is with all of u............plzzzzz be safe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we can do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we must do sumthin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I happen to know a lot of people who react like this after every bomb blast. In case your blood boils too, whenever you happen to witness one of them online, lets get together and create a Facebook comuunity, what say ?